Saturday's Sting in the Tail

Paraprosdokians - Winston Churchill loved them, they are figures of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected; frequently humorous. Enjoy the second in our series.

To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.

Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.

You're never too old to learn something stupid.

I'm supposed to respect my elders, but it's getting harder and harder for me to find one now.

(Our thanks to Nub News reader Geraint Pugh for this idea, and contribution)

That's our lot unless you have more...

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Today's Felixstowe sunrise: 06:20

Today's Felixstowe sunset: 19:34

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Felixstowe tide times:

04:17 3.94m

10:07 0.53m

16:44 3.59m

22:29 0.62m

Floodgates open

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Weather:

Dry but rather cloudy morning. Some breaks will develop later, allowing increasing amounts of sunshine. Otherwise cloudy and feeling chilly along some areas. Maximum Temperature 11c, low of 4c.

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Orwell Bridge:

Open

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Joke of the day:

Why couldn't the leopard play hide and seek?

Because he was always spotted.

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Today's supermarket shop openings:

Co-op Hamilton Road – 07.00-21.00

Co-op Wadgate Road – 06.00-23.00

Co-op High Road West - 07.00-23.00

Co-op King Street – 06.00-23.00

Co-op Walton High Street 06.00-23.00

Morrison's – 07.00 – 21.00 (petrol 08.00-22.00)

Tesco metro – 07.00-22.00

Sainsbury's Warren Heath – 08.00-22.00

Lidl Langer Road: 08.00 – 21.00

Lidl Haven exchange: 08.00-21.00

Wear face covering. Respect social distancing rules and treat shop staff with respect.

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This weeks' surgeries and dispensary times:

Grove Medical centre 08.00-18.30 (283197) - Covid vaccinations available by appointment only

Haven Health 08.00-18.30 (670107)

Howard House 09.00-17.00 (282706)

Felixstowe Community Hospital (458820)

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Felixstowe - Harwich - Shotley Ferry timetable (from Monday, March 29)

Felixstowe-Bawdsey ferry will run from:

Easter weekend until April 30: 10.00 - 17.00 weekends only.

Wave to hail the ferryman, or call 07709 411 511. Go here for website

Bus services:

Check here for 77 service Monday to Friday timetableLive travel updates: 

Check here for 75 service Monday to Friday timetable

Live travel updates: 

Train times and traffic hold ups

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Today's Post Office Openings:

Bent Hill, Wolsey Garden – 10.30 – 12.30

Felixstowe, Hamilton Road - 09.00 – 15.00

Old Felixstowe, High Road, East – 09.00-17.30

Walton High Street – 08.15 – 17.30

Trimley High Road – 06.00 – 22.00

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Our daily Breakfast Briefing is proving very popular but we are always striving to improve the experience for you. If you have any suggestions for inclusion please email [email protected]