Saturday's Sting in the Tail

Paraprosdokians - Winston Churchill loved them, they are figures of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected; frequently humorous. Enjoy the second in our series.

You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.

I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not so sure.

To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.

Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.

You're never too old to learn something stupid.

I'm supposed to respect my elders, but it's getting harder and harder for me to find one now.

(Our thanks to Nub News reader Geraint Pugh for this idea, and contribution)

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Today's Felixstowe sunrise: 05:55

Today's Felixstowe sunset: 18:08

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Felixstowe tide times:

03:33 3.6m

09:13 0.8m

15:57 3.47m

21:34 0.92m

Floodgates

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Weather:

Brightest first thing, however, cloud should spread southwards during the morning giving a risk of patchy light rain more generally. Rather cool, but with light winds. Maximum temperature 12c, low of 5c.

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Orwell Bridge:

Open

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Joke of the day:

I hate Russian dolls…

They're so full of themselves

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This weeks' surgeries and dispensary times:

Grove Medical centre 08.00-18.30 (283197) - Covid vaccinations available by appointment only

Haven Health 08.00-18.30 (670107)

Howard House 09.00-17.00 (282706)

Felixstowe Community Hospital (458820)

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Bus services:

Check here for 77 service Monday to Friday timetableLive travel updates: 

Check here for 75 service[Lhttp://felixstowe-bus-train-times.co.uk/Felixstowe-to-Ipswich-Bus-Timetable.html[L+] Monday to Friday timetable[.L]

Live travel updates: 

Train times and traffic hold ups

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Today's Post Office Openings:

Bent Hill, Wolsey Garden – 10.30 – 12.30

Felixstowe, Hamilton Road - 09.00 – 15.00

Old Felixstowe, High Road, East – 09.00-17.30

Walton High Street – 08.15 – 17.30

Trimley High Road – 06.00 – 22.00

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Today's supermarket shop openings:

Co-op Hamilton Road – 08.00-20.00

Co-op Wadgate Road – 06.00-23.00

Co-op High Road West - 07.00-23.00

Co-op King Street – 06.00-23.00

Co-op Walton High Street 06.00-23.00

Morrison's – 07.00 – 21.00 (petrol 08.00-22.00)

Tesco metro – 07.00-22.00

Sainsbury's Warren Heath – 08.00-22.00

Lidl Langer Road: 08.00 – 21.00

Lidl Haven exchange: 08.00-21.00

Wear face covering. Respect social distancing rules and treat shop staff with respect.

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