Saturday's Sting in the Tail

Paraprosdokians - Winston Churchill loved them, they are figures of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected; frequently humorous. Enjoy the second in our series.

I didn't say it was your fault; I said I was blaming you.

In filling out an application, where it says, 'In case of emergency, notify:' I usually put 'DOCTOR'.

You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.

I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not so sure.

(Our thanks to Nub News reader Geraint Pugh for this idea, and contribution)

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Today's Felixstowe sunrise: 06:09

Today's Felixstowe sunset: 17:58

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Felixstowe tide times:

00:15 3.92m

06:14 0.28m

12:40 3.99m

18:15 0.65m

Floodgates may close

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Weather:

Heavy and blustery showers, but there will also be some sunny spells in-between. Windy with coastal gales likely and feeling chilly. Maximum Temperature 9C.

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Orwell Bridge:

Open

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Joke of the day:

A group of bats, hanging at the ceiling of a cave, discovers a single bat standing upright underneath on the floor of the cave.

Surprised by this unusual behavior, they ask this fellow: "What the heck are you doing down there?"

And the fellow shouts back: "Yoga!"

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This weeks' surgeries and dispensary times:

Grove Medical centre 08.00-18.30 (283197) - Covid vaccinations available by appointment only

Haven Health 08.00-18.30 (670107)

Howard House 09.00-17.00 (282706)

Felixstowe Community Hospital (458820)

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Bus services:

Check here for 77 service Monday to Friday timetableLive travel updates: 

Check here for 75 service[Lhttp://felixstowe-bus-train-times.co.uk/Felixstowe-to-Ipswich-Bus-Timetable.html[L+] Monday to Friday timetable[.L]

Live travel updates: 

Train times and traffic hold ups

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Today's Post Office Openings:

Bent Hill, Wolsey Garden – 10.30 – 12.30

Felixstowe, Hamilton Road - 09.00 – 15.00

Old Felixstowe, High Road, East – 09.00-17.30

Walton High Street – 08.15 – 17.30

Trimley High Road – 06.00 – 22.00

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Today's supermarket shop openings:

Co-op Hamilton Road – 08.00-20.00

Co-op Wadgate Road – 06.00-23.00

Co-op High Road West - 07.00-23.00

Co-op King Street – 06.00-23.00

Co-op Walton High Street 06.00-23.00

Morrison's – 07.00 – 21.00 (petrol 08.00-22.00)

Tesco metro – 07.00-22.00

Sainsbury's Warren Heath – 08.00-22.00

Lidl Langer Road: 08.00 – 21.00

Lidl Haven exchange: 08.00-21.00

Wear face covering. Respect social distancing rules and treat shop staff with respect.

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