"That's why they call me Slim Shady (I'm back)

I'm back (I'm back), I'm back (Slim Shady!)"

What Mr. Eminem might lack in iambic pentameters, he certainly makes up for in repetitive menace.

But after my previous article, written through gritted teeth and other mixed metaphors to meet Fr Derek's request (demand) to 'play nicely, for once', now I'm gonna channel my inner Marshall Bruce Mathers III.

No more Mr. Nice Guy! No more pulling my punches. Instead, I intend to journalistically pull teeth.

Hadleigh Town Council. England's Most Useless just got useless-er. It's motto really should be a re-working of John F Kennedy's 'Think not what…' speech.

It would go something like this: 'Think not what our council can do for residents. Rather, think how our residents can overlook our maladministration, cock-ups and flapping incompetence, serve up lots of Council Tax monies to boost our take-home pay and keep out of the democratic process."

You think I exaggerate about the last bit, don't ya? Surely, councils are the very bearpits of debate and openness as brave tribunes of the people strive to hear the people and deliver upon what they hear?

Yes, yes, I've been knocking back too much ambrosia of late. But there are few councils up and down the land who have fallen so short of those ideas than the self-serving Emus at the Guildhall.

Real emus are merely flightless. The Hadleigh councillors are both gutless and ruthless. Gutless in standing up for residents when faced with the naked self-interest of staff members Wendy 'Pirate Queen' Brame and Alicja 'Smee' Barnes.

And they are ruthless in carrying out the orders of these two personages, regardless of the consequences.

The latest episode involves William 'Solid Bill' Wilson, although 'Stolid' might be a more appropriate sobriquet.

As deputy mayor, to all intents and purposes Stolid has taken over from the disappeared Gordon' Jilted John' Mcleod. (Note to young readers who've queried his nickname: the reference is to a 1970s hit by Jilted John called 'Gordon is a moron').

Conninving Bill 'Stolid' Wilson and Wendy 'Pirate' Queen (Picture: Submitted)

Stolid's conniving silence at Pirate Queen Brame's actively dissuading residents from an opportunity to ask questions about Babergh's footfall-suppression proposals at the Emus' recent council meeting is shameful.

It's almost as if the Emus would rather not hear residents' worries about another council. Perhaps it's because the last thing Hadleigh Town Council wants is for Babergh's monitoring officer to reciprocate and start doing their job properly and investigating all the goings-on at the Guildhall?

Truly, the Emus appear only in it for themselves and their mates.

As Mr. Eminem also once wrote, this is what Hadleigh Town Council thinks of you: 

"But I want you to doubt me, I don't want you to believe

 'Cause this is somethin' that I must use to succeed

 And if you don't like me, then f**k you!"

Hadleigh town council branded undemocratic